Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
