i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
