He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize