she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
