How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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