don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
