I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
