I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
