So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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