Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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