LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
