Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize