Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
