I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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