I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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