I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
