so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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