i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
