47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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