He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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