actually, I'm a sock model
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
