I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
