the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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