I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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