she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
