Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
