We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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