dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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