Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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