i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
