That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I stole a fireplace last night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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