I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
