I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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