FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
