i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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