Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
