If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
