I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
