i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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