I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
