I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Buhtt sex?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
