apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
