I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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