I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
