its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
