No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
