shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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