I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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