Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
