nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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