What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I need a burrito and a hug.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize