i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
