guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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