garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
