Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
