this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
