Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize