quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
