You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
