you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
