I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This baby is an asshole
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
