dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
