I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we made out on top of his cat.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
