had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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