Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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