there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize