which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
