So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
