yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
