OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
