How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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