everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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