is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
