so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
