his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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