So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
