You made me cry and you don't even care
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
