I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
