best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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