I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
