That's intense
no, he came in my armpit
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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