when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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