my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
