I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
