Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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