3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
