Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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