2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
