I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
