If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize