We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
