come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Your cock deserves a montage
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
