So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
